Resting, Healing

Sunday is my favorite day of the week.
A day to relax, take it easy, rest. Read a book or two.
Watch football during the fall. Go to the park. Not
worry about anything.
Well, my Sunday started off ok, woke up, felt
fine, began my day. Suddenly, though, I began to feel
very un-fine: suddenly my abdomen was crunching
up in pain, and I felt very faint. I hate that feeling, that
feeling of being on the verge of passing out, yet not
passing out. It brings on a whole bunch of fear and
anxiety, which brings on a panic attack, my heart
triphammering and my head swimming. Oh, I do so
hate that feeling. So for about two hours I was on the
floor, ice pack to head, hoping and praying I would not
pass out, while also chanting to myself, in order to get
through the pain in my belly. I won’t say what I was
chanting, but I will say that it helps. Repeating a word
or phrase over & over in my head helps to focus my
mind, helps to get through the pain & unpleasantness.
Plus thinking repetitive thoughts is something us ocd-ers
are good at, no?
This kind of pain allows me to focus, and one thing
I focused on is the rush of endorphins I got each time the
pain subsided. So I counted, during the cramps, knowing
that the pain would stop, and I would get a rush of good
feelings. Counting also helps, it gives the mind something
to focus on.
The past few weeks have been a little rough for me,
depression has been ruling my life, and so I turned to a book
on Buddhism, looking for ways in which to be calm, focused,
and hopefully be able to look past this depressive phase.
There is a chapter in Thich Nhat Hanh’s “The Heart of the
Buddha’s Teaching” that talks about resting & healing. He
begins by talking about shamatha, “stopping.” In our daily
lives, we are so busy, we have so many bad habits and ruts
that we can’t get out of, we never just stop, pay attention,
be calm for a moment. Be mindful of what’s happening to
us or around us. One cannot begin meditating, or focusing,
unless they stop, even for a moment.
Pain forces us to stop, to put everything aside and
focus only on that. But do we stop long enough, do we stop
and rest so that we can heal? It doesn’t seem so. We seem
to want to just pop a pill, and then get right back to being
busy. We don’t take the time to rest and therefore heal.
Thich Nhat Hanh says “When we humans get sick, we
just worry!” So instead of stopping, resting, healing, we
just continue to worry, which probably only makes us
sicker!
So, on this Sunday, I decided to try and stop. I
had no energy for anything else, so I sat on my couch,
I enjoyed a good book, I even watched some sports on TV.
I drank lots of water & tea, I ate only good things, no junk,
and tried to just rest. To just be. I didn’t make any lists,
I didn’t try and do a million things like usual. I tried not
to worry.
And on this Monday morning, I woke up feeling
much calmer, much better.