AN APPLE A DAY

It’s an old adage, the old ‘apple a day keeps the doctor away’....
except in these modern times, of course, when an apple
(or an orange, spinach, lettuce, pet food, etc.) can send you
to the doctor, or worse—kill you. Or your pet. Just last
night, the local news reported another contamination outbreak,
simultaneously adding that our system for keeping food
safe is, well, um, faulty. Ha. Tremendous understatement.
For those of us ocd’ers with germ/contamination
fears, this only adds to our anxieties & burdens, causing a
spike in ocd symptoms (increased hand washing, or avoidance
of certain things). When I first began having the signs/symptoms
of ocd in 1996, my biggest problem was fear of food-bourne
illness. So during that time when the ocd began to creep into
my life, I began to hear these stories on the news, about all
these different foods being contaminated. My food list began
to shrink. I became more & more restrictive in what I ate, to
the point that eventually, I was on a liquid diet.
One of the first stories I remember hearing was about
apples, from Washington state. Now, apples are not one of
my favorite fruits, so it shouldn’t have bothered me. However,
ocd being the sneaky & obnoxious disorder it is, I of course
began making the magical connections in my head: I could
not buy/eat anything even associated or near apples, and I
could not check out behind anyone in the store who had
apples in their cart. Anything made with apples, whether
pasteurized or not, was out too — juice, cider, apple jelly,
mixed dried fruits, apple butter. I wouldn’t even go near
an apple tree.
Those original obsessions and fears over certain
foods have stayed with me, because they are associated
with a time when my ocd was quite severe. Apples &
alfalfa sprouts were the two I could never bring myself
to eat again. That is, until this year, ten+ years later.
Now, I’m a known veg-head, plus I like to eat
organic as much as possible, so I do most of my food
shopping at Wild Oats. I usually go around lunch, when
there are tons of free samples to be had, and I can usually
make a small meal out of them (I’m a small gal, I don’t
eat much!) Anyway, in the produce department, there is
always a fruit or veggie set out to try, and during the winter
it’s almost always apples. At first I was pissed — why not
oranges or pears, strawberries, anything else? But one day,
as I was leaving the store, I grabbed a slice of apple on the
way out. I was hungry & feeling brave. I ate half of the
slice & chucked the rest. But I felt exhilarated: I took a
chance, a risk. I faced up to a fear that I had been living
with for ten years. Ten years!

I still had the barrage of obsessive what-ifs, but each
time I go to the store & I eat a slice of apple, those thoughts
bother me less & less. It’s my own little behavioral therapy
session. And it works.